The last week of September saw Melbourne hosting Australia's largest food and hospitality trade fair, Fine Food Australia. The cavernous hall of the Melbourne Exhibition and Convention Centre, known by some as 'Jeff's Shed' in not-necessarily-flattering honour of a former premier of Victoria, was filled to bursting point with stands and milling crowds of wholesalers, retailers, distributors and, just occasionally, media. I eat I drink I work was there too, represented by two people who have been featured bloggers on I eat I drink I work during 2008. We invited our guest writers to provide their own particular perspectives on a trade event neither had previously experienced. Our first guest writer is Cindy Hauser, part of the blogging duo at Where's The Beef?. Cindy was amused and a little perplexed by some of the products on offer. Here's her response to Fine Food Australia's abundance of liquids, exclusively for I eat I drink I work. - Editor
While Fine Food Australia offers an abundance of, well, food,
there are
also plenty of beverages available for consideration. The far side of
the Exhibition Centre is lined with wineries’ wares, and the
area is dotted with all kinds of spirits. In the furthest corner, the
Liquid Talk Theatre begins daily and early. I was a little intimidated
by the huddle of serious men, with half-moon glasses perched on the end
of their bouquet-sniffing noses. (Perhaps I eat I drink I work contributors Scott
Wasley, Ben Knight or Phil Smith could fill you in on the best of the booze!)
Not
one to imbibe much at all, I lingered longer amongst the non-alcoholic
drinks. What fashionable fluid might I soon begin ordering at my local
bar or pack on my next picnic? As I strolled from stall to stall,
sampling their wares, it became clear to me there was something far
more important at stake than whether or not I liked the taste. Rather,
what would my choice say about me? Sporty, flirty, or a harried mum?
Whoever you are, someone has developed a drink just for you.
Suntime. At over 60 years of age, you can
count on
this
company to
provide the same wholesomely-packaged fruit juices you drank as a
kid. Available in orange, apple, and apple-orange
varieties.
Product’s defining feature: its
lack of defining
features is
truly unique in this market. The stall’s edge on the
competition was a tray of endearingly daggy snacks – the
crackers and dips your mum puts out at a barbeque, and pineapple
muffins baked by your little sister.
Will be purchased by: retirees and budgeting
families.
Springi. In claiming their carbonated fruit
drinks
are low GI,
this new
product has baffled consumers wondering, “Do drinks even have
a GI?” Springi contains only fruit juice
and carbonated water
so you can collect just as many sweet calories without any added sugar!
Then watch them travel slowly, slowly to your waistline.
Product’s defining feature:
provides an innovative
new focus
for anxiety to the weight-conscious drinking public.
Will be purchased by: soda-loving
neurotics.
EasyVite Bam! Fruits from the exotic east are
condensed into
90
millilitres of purple fruity sludge to produce a “unique
‘super fruit’ juice wellness drink”
(quote taken from their website “Natural,
Obviously”).
Product’s defining feature: a
day’s entire
dose of
anti-oxidants, packaged in 6th-chakra purple.
Will be purchased by: new-agers searching for the
fountain of
youth… at Woolworths.
 
Pushyjuice. This company introduces a brand
new
process to the
world of
juicing – high pressure cold pasteurisation, which
“inactivates the vegetative micro organisms (bacteria, yeasts
and moulds)” while sacrificing less nutrients than through
the standard heat pasteurisation process.
Product’s defining feature:
silvery, geometric
packaging
assures you of its cutting-edge technology.
Will be purchased by: the same people who bought
an iPhone on
its first
day of release.
WaterButTotallyBetter. This
“enhanced
water”
bravely seeks to appear both natural and technologically advanced.
Available in a range of colours and flavours to match your nourishment
need (“Energy”, “Immunity”,
“Endurance”) or just your latest iPod
case.
Product’s defining feature:
sassy labelling
(“Apply
liberally for fast effective relief from other
beverages.”)
Will be purchased by: hungover hipsters.
Gush. No information is available on the
taste,
colour or
nutritional
value of this product - only that it’s available for sale
exclusively in a number of nightclubs.
Product’s defining feature:
silver and black can
design won a
marketing award.
Will be purchased by: clubbers, with
vodka.
And what’s the gossip on the next generation of
non-alcoholic
beverages? How will we hydrate and vita-blast our bodies in the near
future? I hear whispers of a radical new Wellness Delivery System
called AGlassOfTapWaterAndAPieceOfFreshFruit™.
I’m off to
snag the domain name right now!
Brand names have been changed but the quotes are all
terrifyingly real.
© Cindy Hauser, 2008
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